


go hug a landmine

by littlebmam



Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Non-Graphic Violence, this is mostly just bad banter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25164346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebmam/pseuds/littlebmam
Summary: "“No, I will not have a nice day!” she grumbled down the phone before hanging up."Bernie and Serena are happily married but that doesn't mean they don't have bad days.
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 8
Kudos: 63





	go hug a landmine

“What the-?” Serena croaked out, her eyes frantically jumping around the dark room, trying to find the source of the unexpected noise that had just woken her. She was disoriented and it took her a few seconds to realise that her wife was not in bed, lying next to her.

“Bernie?” 

As soon as Serena called out to her wife, she noticed the whimpers coming from the floor on Bernie’s side of the bed. She turned on the lamp on her bedside table and crawled across the bed to peek over the side. 

Bernie was lying half on her front, half on her side, her legs pulled up to her body. Serena assumed she must have fallen out of bed, though as far as she knew it had never happened before. Well, at least not while they were sleeping. Bernie’s upper body was moving up and down with her heavy breathing but otherwise she remained motionless and Serena couldn’t instantly tell whether she was awake or not.

“Sweetheart?” Serena asked softly, reaching out a hand and resting it on Bernie’s back. It was warm and her tank top was moist with sweat. Bernie let out another quiet whimper, her body jerking slightly at the touch.

Realisation that something was most definitely not right had Serena jumping up from bed to the other side of Bernie who was still panting heavily, her right cheek pressed to the floor. From her position on the floor Serena could see Bernie’s eyes were screwed shut, her right hand clutching the front of her tanktop in a death grip.

Something cold and heavy started to spread from Serena’s chest all the way to the tips of her fingers, which had found their way back to Bernie’s slightly too warm body. She didn’t know what to do, but had to suppress the panic threatening to overwhelm her.

“Darling, can you hear me?” Serena tried to sound calm but the lump in her throat made her voice come out raspy. Bernie didn’t seem to hear her.

“Bernie!” Serena’s voice grew louder, her hand moving in small circles on Bernie’s back. Bernie’s eyes flicked open. “That’s it, look at me, love.”

It took a moment for Bernie’s eyes to find Serena’s. They were red-rimmed, unfocused and glossy with unshed tears. The unmistakable fear in them make Serena’s own eyes prickle.

“Are you okay?” she asked, realising it was a stupid question the moment she said it out loud. Her hand moving from Bernie’s back to her sweaty hair.

“S’rena?”

“Yes, I’m right here.”

Bernie was showing no signs of moving to stand up and Serena felt awkward looking down at her. She moved to rest on her side, facing Bernie, her hand remaining in Bernie’s hair. Bernie blinked a couple of times, seemingly surprised by the fact that Serena didn’t disappear.

“You’re here,” she finally rasped out in disbelief. Her left hand inched across the hardwood floor towards Serena. The tips of her fingers gently grazed Serena’s neck, moving up towards her chin and finally coming to rest on her cheek, her watery eyes following the journey. 

“You’re here.” This time it sounded less like a question.

“I’m right here and you are safe. Okay?” Serena asked. Her fingers kept playing with Bernie’s hair, more for her wife’s benefit than her own. Bernie found the mindless and tender motions of Serena’s fingers in her hair soothing and Serena had always been more than happy to provide this for her.

Bernie gave a jerky nod in response.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Serena asked, though she had a good idea what might have caused Bernie to end up where she was.

“Erm-,” Bernie’s brow furrowed as she searched for words which didn’t come to her easily even at the best of times and seemed to desert her completely when she needed them most.

“I had a nightmare, I guess.” Bernie’s gaze fixed on Serena’s chin instead of her eyes. She looked vulnerable, as if expecting ridicule for expressing her weaknesses. 

Instead she was met with Serena’s warm eyes and soft compassionate smile. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

“I-,” Bernie swallowed. “I don’t think there’s much to tell. I- I just remember- I mean, I don’t remember anything other than how I felt. And sand, so much sand.”

Bernie’s eyes flooded with fresh tears and Serena’s heart with anguish over the pain her wife was in. She would have given everything she had left in this world to make Bernie stop hurting the way she was right now. Her left hand wrapped around Bernie wrist, bringing it from her cheek to her lips to press a kiss to her palm, hoping desperately it would express at least a fraction of the love and adoration she felt for her but could not put into words.

“Back to bed?” Serena asked, when Bernie had remained silent for a while, simply watching Serena, trying to match her own heavy and too quick breathing to Serena’s deep and calming one.

“Yeah. Oh god! I’m so sorry you had to lie here because of me!” Bernie suddenly exclaimed as she realised where they were.

“It’s quite alright,” Serena said kindly, trying to hide her wince as she moved her left shoulder while pushing herself up off the floor. It was a little stiff and would probably remain this way for the next day. But at least Bernie finally seemed calmer. An achy shoulder was a small price to pay for that.

She straightened the tangled covers and lifted one side up, “Come on, in with you!”

“Do you mind if I change? This shirt feels gross.” Bernie moved towards their dresser without waiting for an answer and opened a drawer, pulling out another tank top. She dropped the other one into the laundry basket in the corner of the room after changing and went back to bed, crawling in after Serena who had already climbed into her side of the bed.

Serena turned off the light after motioning for Bernie to move closer to her. “Come here, I need to hold you.”

Bernie’s head came to rest on Serena’s shoulder. She was warm and sturdy and it felt like coming home. 

“Thank you,” she murmured quietly into her chest.

“Always.” Serena pressed a kiss into Bernie’s hair.

“I was so scared and I couldn’t breathe and when I woke up I felt like I couldn’t move. Everything was spinning and it was so warm and the ground felt like sand. I thought I was dying and I tried reaching out for you but for some reason I thought you were gone, that you’d left me to- to die.” Bernie’s voice was barely a whisper as she spilled her heart out to Serena in the darkness of the bedroom. “I’m sorry, I know it sounds silly but it-”

Something heavy lodged itself between Serena’s lungs at Bernie’s quiet admission, making it hard for her to breathe.

“Oh, darling,” she choked out. “I would never leave you. I promise.”

Bernie let out a soft sigh, pressing her body closer to Serena’s.

“Will- could you wake me? If- if it happens again,” Bernie asked, not looking up.

“Of course.”

Serena pulled Bernie closer to her chest, praying to the god she didn’t believe in that the rest of the night would be dreamless for her Bernie.

\---

After waking up in the middle of the night to find Bernie lying on the floor, Serena had not had a good night’s sleep. Yet, somehow she had managed to sleep through Bernie waking up two hours before her own alarm clock to go in for the early shift, which meant she had not had the chance to have her morning coffee with her wife. Definitely not a good start to the day.

She had woken up, tired and a little stiff from having spent some time lying on the floor. The thought of how Bernie’s back must be feeling today did not help Serena’s already sour mood.

Nor did the fact that she was now standing next to her car just like she had the day she had first met Bernie. Her car refused to start. _Alternator might be cactus_ , she told herself, trying to lift her own spirits, but even the fond memory did nothing to drive away the feeling of foreboding that had quietly been creeping into Serena’s head. Serena didn’t have a good feeling about the starting day. It also didn’t exactly help that the mechanic she had called for help was so incompeten they could’ve been replaced with bag of sand and no one could tell the difference.

“No, I will not have a nice day!” she grumbled down the phone before hanging up after she found out that she would need to arrange for her car to be brought in.

She would have to call a taxi, her left shoulder was stiff and she was going to be late for her meeting with the board. It was most definitely not going to be a nice day.

\---

“Calm down! Calm down!” Serena exclaimed, slamming the office door shut, not noticing that Bernie had nearly jumped out of her chair, letting out an undignified yelp at the unexpected sound. 

“Calm down!” she repeated, throwing her hands up in frustration as she slumped down in her chair.

“Erm, sorry?” Bernie asked, both out of curiosity as well as knowledge that she could not continue with her work until Serena had had a chance to rant about whatever had put her in her current mood. Not that Bernie was in any hurry getting back to the pile of paperwork she had been neglecting for so long it had started resembling the leaning tower of Pisa, threatening to collapse at any moment.

“When, in the history of calming down, has anyone ever calmed down because someone told them to calm down, eh?”

Bernie had to suppress a giggle which threatened to erupt from her, knowing it would not be welcome. She had once told Serena that she was adorable when she was angry (at other people, not Bernie). It would be an understatement to say it had not gone down well. Royally pissed off Serena Campbell did not like being told she was adorable.

“What happened?” she asked instead, trying her hardest to keep herself from smiling, though she had quite a good idea what may have caused Serena’s frustration, knowing full well what was on Serena’s agenda this morning. That actually helped her dial down the amusement because if Serena was mad it probably meant bad news.

“They want to make cuts to our funding yet again, while also increasing our workload because more paperwork is apparently just what we need,” Serena leaned back in her chair, her hand coming up to squeeze the bridge of her nose. “I tried to explain that we cannot in fact treat patients with prayers, good thoughts and pats on the back but apparently that is exactly what they expect us to do. And then I may or may not have told them to sod off with their cuts and efficiency planning. I mean, they didn’t seem to have one single not-bloody-terrible idea between the whole lot of them.”

Bernie stood and moved over to her angry and annoyed wife. She sat down on the edge of the desk, taking hold of one of Serena’s hands. Serena had established a somewhat strict no-PDA-while-at-work rule when their relationship had first began, but Bernie had a feeling she would get away with crossing some of the lines she had drawn, considering Serena’s current mood. And it’s not like snogging in their office like a couple of teenagers had never happened.

“You okay?” she asked.

Serena gave Bernie a small tired smile. “Yeah. Although I may have to send some apologetic emails later.”

Bernie answered with a crooked smile of her own. She wasn’t awfully glad about the situation either, but thought two angry co-leads would be no good for anyone.

“Did they at least- I don’t know, cut back on the cuts?”

“They promised to look into it. I suppose it’s something, though I wouldn’t be too hopeful.”

“Okay. Well, we’ll see what happens then. Anything I can do for you now?” Bernie ran her thumb over Serena’s knuckles, contemplating giving her a kiss but not quite daring to.

“Let’s go down for a coffee. I didn’t have time to get one when I came in.” A familiar glint crossed Serena’s eyes and Bernie wondered not for the first time if she could read minds. “And maybe we can stop for a snog somewhere along the way.”

Bernie’s lips stretched into a wide smile. “I like the sound of that.”

“Mind out of the gutter! I said a snog, not a shag,” Serena gave Bernie’s shoulder a playful slap as she stood up.

“Really? You’re telling me to get my mind out of the gutter? Serena Campbell, woman who runs on caffeine, sarcasm and inappropriate thoughts,” Bernie exclaimed in mock shock, opening the office door for Serena.

“You know perfectly well I don’t run,” Serena’s hand gave Bernie’s backside a quick pat as she walked past her and out of the office. “I prefer different types of exercise.”

Bernie followed Serena, a wide grin on her face.

_So much for no PDA._

\---

“You’ve got to be kidding me!”

“I am so sorry,” the young girl, no more than twenty years old, told Serena apologetically. “It broke down about 10 minutes ago. We already called the service people in. It should be back to working order in a few hours.”

“Come on,” Bernie put her hands on Serena’s shoulders, pulling her away from the counter. “We can make coffee in the break room.”

Serena grumbled something ineligible under her breath.

“What was that?”

“Of all days the coffee machine could break, it had to be today,” she repeated as they moved back towards the elevator.

“Yes, it has been a shitty morning, with the car and the meeting and the coffee,” Bernie said softly. “But it’s just one of those mornings. I’m sure it’s going to get better.”

Serena let out a snort. “Wait for it. I’m certain rock bottom has a basement.”

\---

The afternoon had been mostly quiet to both Serena and Bernie’s great delight, though Serena had been avoiding theater like plague. Considering how her day had started, she did not want to risk any lives by attempting to operate on anyone. Not that she was superstitious or anything, thank you very much. 

Unfortunately it did not stay that way. Serena was doing Bernie’s long ignored paperwork when Fletch ran into the office without knocking.

“Yes, mister Fletcher?” she asked, left eyebrow arched in question and slight disdain at both being interrupted as well as her colleague’s lack of manners.

“Bernie! A drunk patient got aggressive, punched her in the face,” Fletch rushed out, a little out of breath, as if he couldn’t relay the information fast enough.

“What?” Serena jumped up from her chair but instantly gripped the desk in front of her to keep herself upright. 

“Where is she? Is she alright?” she asked, her body seemed to go slightly numb, her mind only able to focus on one thing: her wife had been hurt.

“Raf is looking after her,” Fletch said, already moving to leave the office, knowing Serena would follow him.

“That was not what I asked.” Serena took a few running steps towards Feltch and grabbed his arm.

“She said to tell you she’s alright. See for yourself,” Fletch offered a sympathetic smile when they reached the side room into which Bernie had been taken.

“Go on,” he said, motioning with his head for Serena to enter.

“Oh, dear,” Serena had to grip the door frame to keep herself upright, the sight of Bernie making the ground beneath her feet sway. Bernie’s left eye was swollen shut and Serena thought she could almost see the eyelid becoming more and more purple with each passing second. There was a trickle of blood on her cheek but Serena couldn’t instantly tell where it was coming from. Below all that there was a crooked half-smile.

“Don’t I look good in black and blue?” Bernie’s voice cut through Serena’s trance-like state. 

“Bernie-” she said, her voice strangled. Serena moved to the bed Bernie was sitting on. “Let me see.”

Bernie tried to shake her head but winced when it intensified the already throbbing pain in her face. “It’s fine.”

“Fine is the last thing this is!” Serena scolded her wife. 

She turned to Raf who had stood back when Serena had entered, knowing she would want to take over and already preparing for that particular argument in his head.

“Is she alright, Raf?”

“That ‘she’ is sitting right here and literally just said she’s fine,” Bernie grumbled, a little annoyed that Serena hadn’t asked her.

“And that ‘she’ is also notorious for not taking proper care of herself so do forgive me if I don’t take her opinion on her own well being very seriously,” Serena bit back.

“Oh, I am ever so sorry for not being a drama queen and whinging about every little bloody paper cut.”

“This is not a paper cut and maybe you should so others don’t have to lie on the floor in the middle of the night, wondering what the fuck is going on.”

Serena regretted the words the moment they left her mouth. Bernie recoiled as if she’d been physically struck once again. She looked wounded, her unharmed eye wide and filled with betrayal.

Before Serena could apologise, Raf cut in, sensing that he was imposing on something rather personal. 

“Okay, well- um, Bernie, I don’t think there is any serious damage. The cut under your eye is quite small and the swelling, as you know, is normal. I’ll book you for a CT scan and we’ll go from there. I- I’ll give you some privacy now.”

He then almost ran from the room as if not able to get away from the obvious tension filling the air around him fast enough, his general interest in gossip forgotten.

Serena felt awkward. She wanted to reach out and touch Bernie but she was avoiding Serena’s gaze so any physical contact, Serena assumed, would be unwelcome. Instead she picked up an ice pack Raf had left on the tray for Bernie and held it out to her.

“You should-”

“Put it on my face?” Bernie interrupted, venom lacing her voice. “Yeah, I know. I happen to be a doctor myself, or is that another thing you deem me incompetent at?”

Nevertheless she took the ice pack from Serena and pressed it to her swollen eye.

“I don’t think you’re incompetent. I was just- am worried about you,” Serena corrected herself.

“Is that why you- Jesus, Serena! I- I don’t even know what to say.” Bernie took a deep breath, still not meeting Serena’s eyes. She took a moment to consider what and how she wanted to say.

“I know that I don’t have very good- that I’m not very good at looking after myself,” she started slowly. “And I understand that in a situation like this you might want a second opinion. If you were hurt, I would want to do everything in my power to make sure you’re alright, too.”

“Of course I want you to be alright.” Serena said simply, knowing Bernie wasn’t finished. She sensed a ‘but’ coming.

“But-”

_There it is._

“But I need to know if- does it bother you? Did it bother you?” Bernie looked up at Serena, unshed tears clouding her vision. “My- the nightmares. Does me having nightmares bother you?”

Something seemed to lodge itself in Serena’s throat, keeping her from speaking. Apparently Bernie took her silence the wrong way.

“Because- I mean, I can’t really do anything about it. And last night I don’t think I even woke up before you…” she trailed off, her gaze dropping to her lap. “I suppose I could sleep in the guest room-”

“No!” Serena exclaimed in a raspy voice a bit too loudly, jumping forward and grabbing Bernie’s hand that wasn’t holding an ice pack in her own. Bernie looked up again, her visible eyebrow raised in surprise. “No, no, no! I don’t want to you to sleep anywhere else but next to me. I have no problem- I mean, of course I have a problem with your nightmares. I wish you didn’t have them at all. But like you said, there’s nothing you can do about them. And if I can do something to help you or to make it even a little bit better or just wake you up or anything then I want to do just that.”

Serena moved to sit next to her wife. She kept her hold on Bernie’s hand, glad she hadn’t pulled away.

“I am so sorry I insinuated that it bothered me. I don’t know why I said what I said. There’s no excuse. But you have to know that all I want is for you to be safe, healthy and happy. But- but that means I also want to know when you’re not,” she finished quietly, almost begging Bernie to understand. Serena squeezed Bernie’s cold fingers, bringing her hand up to press a kiss to her knuckles.

“Okay,” Bernie gave a small nod. Serena let out a sigh of relief, a heavy weight falling from her shoulders and suddenly she was able to breathe deeply again. 

“Okay,” Bernie said again. “Thank you.”

Instead of answering Serena brushed her wife’s unruly locks away from her face, subconsciously checking the visible part of her face for any damage she was not yet aware of.

“I, uh, I suppose I’m not- what was it you said? ‘Safe, healthy and happy’? I don’t really know where to categorise it but I- I feel like crap. My face really hurts,” Bernie said, a small smile tugging on the right corner of her lips.

“More than is to be expected or-”

“Like I was punched in the face, I suppose. I don’t know, it’s never happened before.”

“Not even in the army?” Serena asked, a little surprised.

“What do you think we do there? Organise fight clubs in our free time?” Bernie let out a small honk and Serena was more than happy to join in her wife’s joy, a momentary escape from worry.

“I’ll have to plead ignorance,” she said after a moment, still smiling.

“You can redeem yourself by cleaning the blood off my face.”

“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!” Serena gave a mock salute.

\---

“This day can go hug a landmine.”

After the CT scan it was collectively decided that Bernie suffered only a mild concussion and because she was obviously incapable of performing her professional duties was sent home under her wife’s supervision. Serena didn’t enjoy driving Bernie’s car, nor did she enjoy sitting in it “because it’s too bloody small for someone my age” for that matter, but she was glad to declare that the day was over and to spend the rest of it lounging in front of the TV, watching mindless shows and eating takeaway.

And that is exactly what Serena and Bernie were doing right now. The food was finished and instead of their usual Shiraz they were drinking milkshakes. Serena had been a little taken aback when Bernie had suggested that as their ‘nightcap’ but the innocent labrador eyes, well eye as only one of them was visible, looking at her was enough to convince Serena to say ‘sod it’ and make two large cherry and chocolate shakes.

“Hm,” Bernie murmured against her wife’s shoulder. “I don’t mind it right now. I’m actually enjoying myself. You’re warm and cosy and that milkshake is to die for.”

“Are you sure you’re not actually a twelve year old boy?” Serena asked, amused by the fact that the haughty ex-Major slash surgeon by day was such a soft ‘cinnamon roll’, as the kids say, by night.

“As well as being a 72 year old man?”

“Wait, what?” Serena wasn’t following.

“I like whisky and I’m thinking about buying a pipe to smoke instead of cigarettes. And I know nothing about pop culture. If that doesn’t scream ‘that old grumpy man living down the road who always talks about war’- oh, that wasn’t intentional but... apropos, I suppose.”

Bernie set down her empty glass and snuggled closer to her wife.

“Well, when you put it like that- wait! Does that mean I’m still straight?”

Bernie let out a lout honk at that. “Darling, you’ve never been straight.”

“Oi! I’ll have you know I was as heterosexual as they come up until you sauntered into my life with your knowledge of internal combustion engines and gorgeously messy hair,” Serena said, poking Bernie in the side softly.

“Using ‘heterosexual’ and ‘come’ in one-” Bernie couldn’t finish the sentence because Serena had pressed the palm of her hand over Bernie’s mouth.

“Berenice Griselda Wolfe, don’t even think about finishing that joke!”

“What?” Bernie asked, pulling Serena’s hand away after pressing a kiss on it, with faux innocence.

“My sex life has always been more than satisfactory,” Serena said, trying her best to sound stern.

“Didn’t you say after our first time that-”

“That’s quite enough of that, I think.”

“Okay,” Bernie shrugged, giving in. “Well, either way I’m happy to have been the cause of the broadening of your sexual horizons.”

“Me too,” Serena agreed, nuzzling her nose into Bernie’s hair. She then perked up again, remembering what Bernie had said earlier. “Hold on. Is buying a pipe your understanding of giving up smoking?”

“I think it would actually be beneficial, yes,” Bernie said seriously. “I couldn’t be arsed to smoke if it meant having to clean and fill a pipe instead of just lighting a fag.”

“I do enjoy the smell of cherry tobacco,” Serena said, beginning to like the idea of Bernie with a pipe.

“It’s not as nice after you’ve burnt it.”

“All the more reason not to smoke it, then. Especially as the pipe would probably increase your already through-the-roof soft butch energy by tenfold and I can’t have some young lesbians coming in and stealing you away,” Serena said, only half-jokingly.

“Hah!” Bernie chuckled. “Not going to happen. I happen to like this young lesbian too much to be interested in any others.”

“Bold of you to call me young.”

“A ‘young lesbian’ is what I called you. Didn’t you just say I converted you?”

“I don’t think I’m a lesbian, really,” Serena said, after a moment.

“Bisexual?” Bernie asked.

“Hmm,” Serena hummed into Bernie’s hair. “Berniesexual?”

Bernie groaned. “I am torn between being flattered and hating it for how soppy it sounds.”

“So I’m soppy, deal with it,” Serena patted Bernie’s thigh.

“You more than make up for it with your other qualities.” Serena could feel Bernie’s smile against her neck, where Bernie had pressed her face.

“Them being…?” she trailed off.

“Now you’re just fishing for compliments.”

“Mhm. Is it working?”

“How much time do you have?” Bernie pulled away a little to be able to look at Serena.

“Now who’s being soppy!” Serena smiled, and leaned over to kiss to Bernie. She was disappointed for not being able to move things any further that evening but even just kissing Bernie was an exquisite way to spend an evening.

Serena felt Bernie’s lips stretch into a wide grin, making kissing her a little awkward. She pulled away, lifting an eyebrow, expecting Bernie to tell her what she suddenly found so amusing.

“Want me to say something even soppier?” Bernie asked.

“Oh no,” Serena said, pretending to be dreading what was about come across her wife’s lips.

“I guess we’re a match then,” Bernie said, attempting to keep a straight face and failing miserably.

It was Serena’s turn to groan. 

“I’ll write this off as a side effect of your concussion.”

**Author's Note:**

> *holding out hands* i made this  
> i don't know, man  
> they're both idiots and i couldn't get the idea of Bernie smoking a pipe out of my head  
> sorry?


End file.
